


Panic Is Like Herpes (Which Shane Madej Does Not Have)

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Consentacles, Cum Eating, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Podfic Welcome, blowjob, meandering dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 01:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15719409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: "You know, I regret giving you that link to the medieval bestiary.""Well, okay, yeah, but how else could you have gotten a chance for this level of travel?"Ryan and Shane go looking for some medieval... weirdness, and trip on some other things along the way.





	Panic Is Like Herpes (Which Shane Madej Does Not Have)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beethechange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beethechange/gifts).



> Big thank you to punk-rock-yuppie for beta-ing! 
> 
> ... I thought I'd have a go at the Shyan scavenger hunt. Hope you guys enjoy it!

“So… tell me again why we’re going haring off after a thing from a fucking… medieval bestiary?”

“A bunch of people have said they’ve found one,” said Ryan, his tone stubborn.

They were trekking through a forest - an old forest, a forest older than anything that Ryan had ever seen.

Who knew that Buzzfeed would pay to send them off to some old forest, in the middle of nowhere?

The forest… well, it looked like something that would house a gingerbread cottage.

Not the kind out of the book that he’d had when he was a little kid, with bright, cheerful illustrations….

“This place looks like something out of a woodcut,” Ryan said. 

“You look at a lot of woodcuts?” 

“I mean,” said Ryan, “I did a bunch of research into this shit, before we set off.”

“I guess we should be grateful that we’re not being sent off to some kind of Marco Polo trek,” groused Shane. 

“Wasn’t Marco Polo fake?”

“Says the guy sending us off to find a goddamn _vegetable lamb_ ,” said Shane. 

He looked grumpy.

Then again, he was tall enough that the water was dripping down onto his head.

The forest was both too quiet and too noisy, and it was all just too… urrrrgh.

Ryan’s whole everything was on edge - his shoulders were around his ears, his skin was one big goosebump…. 

There was something old here, something older than America, older than writing.

If only he knew how to figure out what it was.

There was a loud “crack”, and they all jumped.

“What was that?”

“Maybe your vegetable lamb is actually a vegetable ram,” said Shane, his tone sardonic.

Ryan snorted.

“You know, I regret giving you that link to that medieval bestiary,” Shane said, as the two of them made their way through the old forest.

They weren’t… officially filming yet.

They were just walking around. 

Maybe they’d film some B-roll tomorrow, at least. 

But for now… just the two of them walking through the dark and dripping forest.

“Hey man, c’mon. It’s the perfect crossover of Ruining History and Buzzfeed Unsolved, so why not?”

“We’re not going to have a chance to, if we all rot in all this damp,” said Shane.

“You didn’t complain when we were in Washington,” said Ryan.

“Bigfoot makes more sense than a vegetable lamb. Especially since vegetable lambs aren’t real, they’re literally just people making fun of idiots for not knowing what cotton was.”

“But there _have_ been weird sightings around here,” asid Ryan. 

“Vegetable lambs wouldn’t have even been around this part of the world either, what with one thing and another,” Shane added. 

He was on a tear.

Ryan let Shane go on his tear.

They weren’t… actually looking for a vegetable lamb. 

They were walking through a wet, dripping forest, looking for some B roll.

They weren’t that far from the place that they were staying - it wasn’t as if they were going to complain too hard.

The hotel they were staying at was allegedly haunted.

It was hard not to imagine a place that was older than New York City being faintly haunted.

Everything around here was old, dark wood, big, dripping trees. 

It seemed like the whole forest was listening in. 

The trees were all… well, identical.

They all looked the same, but they seemed to get closer and closer together, and the quiet seemed to be encroaching on them, like a blanket.

“You know, you don’t get quiet like this back in the ol’ United States,” said Shane, breaking the silence.

“You don’t say,” said Ryan, and he laughed nervously.

The sound seemed to be eaten up by the trees.

“I think we’re a bit lost,” said Shane.

He looked… slightly less unfazed than he usually was.

Not fazed, to be sure, but… still.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just… it’s very… quiet,” said Shane, and he cleared his throat.

“Too quiet?”

“I don’t want to say that,” said Shane, “because that seems to bring about the kind of bad luck where a wild boar would come after us.”

“A wild boar? What’s the problem? It’s just a pig.”

“Pigs eat people, y’know,” Shane said. 

“No way,” said Ryan.

“You’ve never seen Hannibal?”

“I don’t… think so?”

They paused.

They were still walking, in a gradually expanding spiral.

Um.

Hmm.

Ryan glanced over at Shane, and Shane looked back at him.

It was beginning to get dim, from the canopy, and from the sun going down.

“This is creepier than Mothman’s forest,” Ryan said.

“Oh yeah,” said Shane. 

The shadows cast across Shane’s face were stark, like something out of some kind of German expressionist movie.

Minus the vampire, or the robot, or the crazy stark angles….

Okay, so not like a German expressionist film.

Maybe he had some odd comparisons going on in his head.

Maybe the trees were just getting… closer together. 

Um.

Fuck.

“Hey, Shane, how do we get back?”

“I know how to get back,” said Shane, and then his hand was… sliding into Ryan’s.

“TJ is gonna kill us, if we end up being back at the hotel late, TJ is gonna kill us,” said Ryan.

“I’m not going to worry about it,” said Shane. 

“Why not?”

“Because if I start worrying, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop,” Shane said, in such a matter of fact tone of voice that Ryan almost wanted to burst out laughing. 

Shane’s hand was very warm, and his fingers were soft.

It wasn’t… cold per se, but it was chilly - they both had on sweaters.

Ryan was sweating, and his hand was sweating, but Shane’s fingers were laced through his, and the pulse in Shane’s fingers was right up against the pulse of Ryan’s.

It was centering, in a weird way, and calming.

It was also making Ryan’s heart beat a little faster, which was embarrassing as hell - Shane could probably tell, what with as close as they were. 

“Oh,” said Ryan. “Any particular reason we’re, uh… Hansel and Gretel-ing it up here?”

He squeezed Shane’s fingers.

He was getting warmer - it was harder to be quite so afraid, holding hands like this. 

Even if it was a little kindergarten. 

“Seemed like a good idea,” said Shane, and he squeezed Ryan’s fingers back. “What with one thing and another.”

“One thing and another?”

“We’re wandering through an ancient forest in the middle of a foreign country,” said Shane. “If I start to freak out, I won’t be able to stop, and I don’t think I’ll be any good to anyone if I’m huddled on the ground with my arms around my knees.”

“Oh,” said Ryan.

That was… less than helpful. 

Um.

Oh god. 

“This is… this isn’t ideal,” Shane said. 

“It isn’t,” Ryan agreed. 

“We should backtrack,” said Ryan. 

“We should,” said Shane. 

They were still walking towards the center of the trees - there were… there was a clearing.

How was there already a clearing?

Huh.

They were holding hands, and they were walking together, and it was… it was better than nothing, right?

And in the center of the whole maze of trees, in the clearing, they saw… they saw the moon.

It was great, grinning down at them like a huge face, lighting up the clearing.

When had it gotten so bright?

… when had it gotten so dark outside?

“When did it become night?”

Shane’s voice was… startled.

“That’s a really good questions,” said Ryan. 

Now it was his turn to sound reasonable. 

Huh.

“Maybe this place is magic,” said Shane, his voice deadpan. 

“Oh my god, Shane,” said Ryan, and he was beginning to laugh.

It was a deep, tension destroying laugh, and thank fuck for that, because if he got any more tense, his shoulders would meet above his head.

“I’m just saying,” Shane said, and he kept his tone flat, “this kinda shit only happens with magic. Not us losing track of time as we walk through some old-ass forest, in a foreign country, when we’re both on edge. It’s obviously magic.” 

“Well, what else would you suggest?”

Ryan was reluctant to let go of Shane’s hand, but he did, and he crossed his arms across his chest, suddenly defensive. 

He couldn’t entirely help it.

Shane was using that… smug voice of his, and even in the moonlight, he wa swearing a smug expression. 

Asshole. 

“Like I said,” said Shane. “We got lost.”

“Why would we get lost?”

“Maybe spending time in your presence has left my head a bit fuzzy,” said Shane. 

Ryan snorted, then paused.

That hadn’t been the same amount of snark that Ryan was used to. 

Hmm.

“Are you actually being emotionally sincere?”

“There is a bit of emotional sincerity mixed in, yeah,” said Shane. “Although as I said, there is some bowel shrinking panic that’s beginning to try to crawl up my throat.”

“Your bowels are trying to crawl up your throat?”

“No, the terror,” said Shane. “My bowels are pretty happy where they are, as far as I can tell.”

“Can you normally tell where your bowels are?”

“I mean, not as such, no,” said Shane. “I tend to assume that, if I can’t feel them, then they’re doing their job.”

“Right,” said Ryan.

Maybe he was starting to gibber a bit in his own head.

Um.

And then something wrapped around his ankle.

… he didn’t make a very dignified noise.

He would admit to that.

Ryan Bergara wasn’t the most dignified when he was frightened. 

Everyone knew that by now.

So he screamed very loud. 

_Very_ loudly. 

Shane looked… Ryan didn’t know how Shane looked, actually, because he was running to the edge of the clearing, except it kept getting farther away, because fuck, there was just… a wall of thorns.

Oh fuck.

“What the fuck?!”

“Ryan?”

“Shane,” Ryan said, “Shane, something touched my leg.”

“Something did not touch your leg,” said Shane.

“It did,” said Ryan. 

“There is literally nothing here,” said Shane, “unless you count the cotton plant. Which isn’t a person that can… move.”

… wait a minute.

“Didn’t you say that cotton plants were what vegetable lambs actually… were?”

Ryan licked his lips, wiped his sweaty palms on his pants, and then he was… he was making his way towards the cotton plant, right in the center of the clearing. 

How had he missed it?

How was he missing all of that.

“It’s a cotton plant,” said Shane. “Why is this remarkable?”

“This isn’t the country for cotton,” said Ryan. 

“How would you know that?”

“Because I know stuff,” Ryan snapped, and okay, maybe he was more irritable than he had a right to be, but… still.

He crouched down in front of the plant, and he cautiously put a hand out, to stroke the soft white puffs of cotton.

… and it opened its eyes.

“Shane,” Ryan said, and oh wow, that was that same panic that Shane had been talking about.

How about that?

“Hm?”

“Shane, come here.”

“You’re fondling a cotton plant, Ryan, why would I want to see that?”

“Shane, I swear to whatever trapped us in this forest, I will leave you in it, if you do not get your pool noodle self right here, right now.”

“Pool noodle? Really, Ry? I’m hurt.”

But then there was Shane’s long leg, right next to Ryan’s, and Shane was bending down.

‘What am I looking at?”

And the cotton plant’s eyes looked over at Shane.

“Oh,” said Shane. 

“So you’ve got proof of actual magic, and you’re just going to say “oh,” not even something else?”

“I can have a lot of feelings at the same time, y’know,” said Shane. 

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“They’re all trying to get out at the same time,” said Shane. “Like that Simpsons joke.”

“What Simpsons joke?”

“The one where Mr. Burns has, like, a million illnesses, but they’re not killing him because they’re all stuck in the door.”

The vegetable lamb (was it a vegetable lamb?) pressed its… face (?) into Ryan’s hand, and Ryan rubbed it, gently.

It was instinct at this point.

A soft, furry thing was asking for affection, so he gave it.

And then something was rubbing his ankle again, and he looked down.

Oh.

It was… it was a vine.

It was a vine, and it was twining around his ankle like a friendly cat.

There was… there was some kind of intelligence, pulsing through it, but fucked if he knew how he knew.

“Shane, it’s affectionate,” said Ryan.

“What is it?”

“Vegetable lamb,” said Ryan. 

“Right,” said Shane, then, “I think it likes you.”

The vine was going up Ryan’s pant leg, long and slightly ticklish, and that was… that was strange, but he wasn’t complaining.

“We’re human beings,” Ryan said. 

“You’re not real,” Shane said. 

“What, me? I’m plenty real.”

“No. The vegetable lamb. All of your ridiculousness has gotten to my head, and I’ve finally cracked,” said Shane.

He sounded remarkably calm, for someone who had apparently cracked.

“I’m experiencing it too, y’know,” Ryan pointed out.

“You’d share a hallucination with someone who you rode the bus with,” Shane said, his tone dismissive. “Let alone _me_.”

“What do you mean, let alone you?”

“We’re… we’re in close quarters a lot,” Shane said, and he cleared his throat, avoiding eye contact.

Hmm….

The vine was going higher, and it was slightly slippery.

Was that… plant juices?

What was the term for that?

It was sap with trees, but wasn’t it something else when it was just a plant?

It was more flexible than cotton - Ryan knew that, at least.

He’d done some research.

Maybe the vegetable lamb was just the… decoy bit? One part of it, like an angler fish?

… shit.

“Are you going to tell me how this hallucination is getting friendly with my leg?”

The vegetable lamb’s tendril (tentacle?) was at the back of Ryan’s knee now, and Ryan stood up, because he was getting cramped, but that was a bad idea, because… oh wow, was that ticklish.

He bit his lip to keep from giggling.

“I mean,” said Shane, “you did always strike me as the tentacle porn type.”

“... really, Shane?”

Ryan gave him a Look.

“I’m just sayin’,” Shane said. “You give off such a dweeby vibe -” 

“I am not a dweeb,” Ryan said.

“But hey,” said Shane, “we’re going crazy.”

And then… and then, he stepped forward, and he kissed Ryan.

Full on kiss on the mouth, his big hands on either side of Ryan’s face, his lips chapped and dry against Ryan’s own.

Ryan’s mouth opened in shock, but… not that much shock.

This… this felt like it had been a long time coming.

Sort of.

Ryan’s palm was still a little tingly, where it had been pressed against Shane’s.

Or maybe it was the tentacle, dragging across his skin, spreading whatever kind of weird… juice across his leg.

Huh.

He pressed closer, and he kissed Shane - actively kissed Shane, because this was all getting weird.

“This feels really real, for a hallucination,” Shane said, in that same conversational tone.

If Shane ever had an actual nervous breakdown, would anyone be able to _tell_?

“I think this is all real,” said Ryan. “Or else this is a really, really vivid hallucination.”

… and then the tip of the tentacle was going higher, all the way to the back of Ryan’s thigh, into the leg of his boxers.

He probably should have been panicking more about this, come to think of it. 

This was all weird enough. 

Maybe he had a given reservoir of panic, and it was all just settled under his breastbone. 

Neat.

This probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but… fuck it. 

He was in a clearing in a strange forest, and there was a vine getting friendly with his leg.

More than his leg, actually.

He was kissing his best friend/cohost/who the fuck knew what else, he was just… kissing Shane, his hands in Shane’s hair, and okay, now that tentacle was going… higher.

Um.

It was pulsing. 

It was pulsing with… curiosity?

How would that even work?

If he tried to explain that to Shane, how could he?

But fuck it.

He was belly to belly with Shane, he had his hands in Shane’s hair, he had his hands on Shane’s shoulder, and then it was… oh.

Wow.

Um..

What the fuck. 

It wasn’t really… well, a word, just an idea, an idea of… oh.

“You are turning bright red,” said Shane. 

“How can you even tell, as close you are?”

“I can feel it radiating off of your face,” said Shane.

“Are you sure that’s not your own stupid face?”

… wow, but Ryan was giddy.

Ryan was giddy, Ryan was… Ryan was really horny.

Stupidly horny.

How was he so stupidly horny?

When had that happened?

It had just sort of… crept up, hit him in the back of the head, and he was so horny that his knees were weak.

And the tentacle was radiating questions, it was radiating…. 

Well.

Fuck.

“This is all a hallucination, no doubt brought on by anxiety or who fucking knows what, so I’m just… gonna give in,” Shane mumbled.

“This isn’t a hallucination,” Ryan said again. “I swear to fucking god. You’re not.” 

“Prove it.”

“I don’t know how to prove to you that you’re not having a hallucination,” said Ryan. 

“I feel like that might be proof you’re not a hallucination,” said Shane. “Although at that point I’m just… possibly about to have a panic attack.”

“Please don’t have a panic attack,” Ryan said. 

“Why not? It feels like it would be some kind of productive.”

“It wouldn’t be productive. Panic attacks are never productive.”

There was too much going on at once.

Way too much going on at once.

There was the throbbing question of the tentacle, and there was the throbbing of Ryan’s cock, desperate against his own leg, and there was… well, there was a lot of throbbing altogether.

Well.

Um.

How had he gotten to this point?

Why was this his life, now?

Fuck.

He shouldn’t have been freaking out quite so much.

“I think my panic is getting back to you,” said Shane, and he sounded faintly amused.

“Panic is transmittable,” said Ryan. “Like herpes. Only not herpes.”

“Doesn’t, like, one in three Americans have herpes?”

“Are you trying to tell me that you have herpes? Because I may want to take a pause on the kissing you thing, except, y’know, I just… need a few minutes. I can only take so many shocks in a day.”

“So to be clear,” Shane said, “you’re more needing to adjust to me having herpes, versus the plant that is trying to get acquainted with your leg?”

“Listen,” said Ryan, “there are only so many things I can take. Some things are just… like that. It’s not the two by four that breaks the camel’s back, it’s the straw.”

“So this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back?”

“Yep,” said Ryan. “I’ve shared drinks with you, though.”

“I don’t have herpes,” said Shane.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure,” said Shane. 

“Right,” said Ryan. “Okay. So I’m gonna kiss you some more, and that tentacle is possibly going to go up my butt.” 

“... what? Why are you so blase about this?”

“Like you said,” he said, “panic is a bit like herpes. It transmutes.”

“So you’re gonna keep me from panicking some more?”

"Hm?"

“I’m gonna try to keep it down, yeah,” said Shane, and then there was more kissing.

It was good kissing - wet kissing - and then the tentacle was getting into things, and Shane paused.

“... this is weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“I can literally feel the tentacle moving through your goddamn pants. I think there’s more than one.”

Ryan paused, looked down. 

“So there are,” said Ryan. “How about that.” 

“Are you… seriously agreeing to this tentacle porn bullshit?”

“I am, in fact, agreeing to this weird tentacle porn bullshit.”

“Why?”

“Because it feels friendly. Because I’ve been thinking about kissing you for fuck knows how long, and why not kiss you when all of this is such a fucking mess of weirdness anyway?”

“... oh,” said Shane. “How long have you thought about kissing me?”

“A really fucking long time, okay?”

“Why so long?”

“Because I’m a weenie,” said Ryan, and then he shuddered, because… well.

Well.

There was a tentacle gently probing against his butt, and that was… uh… that was new.

This was all pretty fucking new.

He was kissing Shane, which was about as new as you could get, and then he was… he was grabbing handfuls of Shane’s ass, and Shane was pressing closer, and the tentacle was sliding _in_ , and holy fuck, oh god.

“Oh,” Ryan said, and his voice cracked.

“What oh?”

“I’ve got, like, a vine in my ass. Only it’s not a vine.”

“So is the vegetable lamb an anime or a vegetable?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Ryan said. “But it’s… very friendly. And intelligent. And possibly somewhat telepathic.” 

“Telepathic?”

“It asked first,” Ryan said.

He was going weak in the knees, as he sagged against Shane. 

Shane had an arm around his middle, and it was all… oh.

This was going someplace… interesting. 

If it wasn’t already.

“It asked? Why didn’t I hear anything?”

“Maybe it can only communicate when it comes to, you know, skin contact, or something. It doesn’t feel like a p-plant.”

Oh wow, okay.

So he had a prostate.

Good to know.

He already knew that he had a prostate, how was he supposed to not know about having it, because… you know, it was there.

He could ejaculate. 

He whined, because holy shit, that was… right up against his prostate, he could feel it, and he was shaking, because it was just… wriggling inside of him, going deeper, and it felt strange, it felt _so_ strange, especially when he’d never had anything in his ass before, but holy fuck, it was enough to make him sob.

“Have you never had something in your butt before?”

Shane sounded faintly incredulous.

“Why are you so shocked?”

“Because,” said Shane, “I always thought you were all about the butt stuff.”

“All about the butt stuff?”

God, it was… it was twining, and then there was another one, right up against his cock, from his balls, to his shaft, then further up.

Oh fuck.

God.

Ryan clutched at Shane’s shoulders, and he clung like a goddamn sloth. 

“This is really, really… weird,” said Ryan. 

“I mean,” said Shane, “you seem to be getting… a lot of something.”

“Is there, like a word for when it’s like this?”

“When it’s like what? What is “it” in this particular case?”

“I… don’t fucking know,” said Ryan. 

“I gotta say,” said Shane, “this is the first time I’ve been around someone getting fucked by a tentacle.”

“You want some tentacle loving too?”

“... no, thanks,” said Shane. “What is _actually_ happening? Like, right now?”

“There’s… there’s a tentacle inside of me,” said Ryan. “And around my dick. It’s, uh… it feels weird. It’s very… good. Please kiss me some more, because… mmm….”

How was he supposed to not make any noise?

Oh god.

He kissed Shane like it was the end of the world, his fingers tangled in Shane’s hair now, then moving to Shane’s face, and Shane had a lovely, craggy face.

Shane was grinding his hips forward, and then Ryan was groping awkwardly at Shane’s crotch, and he was squeezing it, his hands shaking, just a bit.

“You’re a lot bigger than I thought you’d be,” Ryan said, and his voice cracked, as another tentacle slid inside of him, and now they were… undulating, they were… they were writhing, it was like something out of a goddamn tentacle hentai, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, except that… god, it was good.

The tentacles were covered in something slick, that was making his blood all the hotter, but maybe he was just imagining it, maybe it was all just the sensation, and he was shaking.

He clung, and he ground, he kissed and kissed and kissed, his mouth wet and hot against Shane’s, his teeth nipping at Shane’s lips, because the first time he did it, Shane moaned like his cock was being stroked.

His cock should have been stroked, and then Ryan was fumbling Shane’s pants open, he was wrapping his hand around Shane’s cock, and okay, so it was the first time he’d ever really touched someone else’s cock, but it felt so… god, it was hot, and it was hotter than the vines, and Ryan wanted that in his ass, although that wouldn’t feel the same. 

It wouldn’t feel the same as the tentacles, but goddamn, he wanted it.

“Why do you… fuck, Ryan, yes, like that….”

Shane was going a bit stupid, and that was… that was adorable.

His whole face opened like a flower in the morning, and his head tilted back, his mouth falling open.

Ryan was going to need new pants.

His cock was twitching. 

His cock was twitching, and then he was sobbing, right up into Shane’s neck, because… well, some kind of orgasm was hitting him, something different from his usual sort of orgasm, but… fuck, it was good, and the orgasm was just rolling through him like a wave.

“Was that… fuck, did you cum?”

“I’m not that fast,” Ryan said. “I’ve got… I’ve got some stamina.”

His cock was still drooling pre-, and it was twitching, so hard. 

Oh god. 

It almost hurt.

Almost.

The tentacle around his cock were squeezing the base of his cock, and then another part was… right under the head, squeezing it harder, and how was that even a thing?

How the fuck could a tentacle know how to keep him from cumming?

Like, what the fuck?

How was that supposed to work?

“Shane, we need to st-st-study this thing,” he gasped out.

“Study it?”

Ryan’s hands were shaking as he stroked Shane’s cock, as his own cock began to twitch, as the tentacles just… kept fucking him, kept fucking him roughly, then softly, in strange, new ways, ways that involved being boneless, being long.

They filled him all the way up, still inside of his clothes, and that added to the perversity of it, didn’t it?

It just… made it that much filthier, that much more… oh, who the fuck knew?

“How do I turn my brain off?”

“Ryan, you’ve got a tentacle up your ass -”

“Two tentacles up my ass,” Ryan corrected.

“Excuse me, _two_ tentacles up your ass. How are you able to talk, let alone think?”

“Maybe… I’m just better at it.”

“At what, being… fuck, yeah, there… at being fucked up the ass by a thing that shouldn’t exist?”

“Exactly,” Ryan said, and then he gave a long, low moan, and his knees gave out.

Full on gave out.

Shane was holding him up, and then Shane was lowering him to the ground, gently, and he was on his knees, looking up at Shane, and Shane was looking down at him.

The tentacles were still fucking him - harder now, hard enough to almost push him forward, and where were they coming from?

Shane’s cock was level with Ryan’s face, and... well, if he was going to do all of this, he might as well, right?

Another tentacle was slithering up, towards his belly, wrapping around his cock, and then Ryan was wrapping his mouth around Shane’s cock, awkwardly.

He sucked on the head of it, and he was getting up on his knees, to hold on to Shane’s hips, and he was beginning to suck in earnest, his head bobbing, drooling down his chin.

It was… more than a little gross, but there was slime, right up against his skin, and if he was going to be okay with slime (he was going to be okay with slime, because it seemed to be helping him feel everything that much more, or maybe he was just dizzy with the ridiculousness of it all), he was okay with his own drool.

Or… or be okay with Shane’s pre, which was drooling into his mouth, salty on his tongue.

It was… it was a little gross. 

It tasted a little bit like pussy, the same way how a raspberry and a strawberry taste similar.

He began to bob his head again, a little harder, and the tentacles thrusting began to thrust harder, as one of the tentacles slid up further, towards his face, and it was… stroking his throat, oh god.

Oh god.

“Is this the way to shut you up?”

Shane looked down at Ryan, and his expression was fond, in the sheer black and white of the moonlight. 

“Oh, shut up,” said Ryan. 

“I like it when you shut up, personally,” said Shane, although he kept his hands in Ryan’s hair.

“You could just ask nicely,” said Ryan.

Shane snorted.

“Do you wanna keep sucking my cock?”

“Sure,” said Ryan, and then he let out a gasping, desperate moan, because oh god, another tentacle, and it was making him shake, as he was pushed forward onto Shane’s cock.

He took it down his throat, and he began to suck harder, because… it was weird, it was disgusting, but it was worth it, god, he was going to die, and he’d die happily, because… oh, god.

The tentacles were still fucking him, they were fucking him enough to make his toes curl, to make his mouth fall open, to make his back arch.

He was going to cum. 

God, he was going to cum so hard, and then Shane was gasping over him.

“I’m going to cum, fuck, Ry, if you don’t… want to… I’m….”

So.

Mouth full of jizz?

… mouth full of _Shane’s_ jizz, and that was totally worth it, especially when he was the faintly addled state he was currently occupying, and then Shane was cumming.

Shane was cumming in his mouth, and it was… gooey, it was wet, and Shane’s cock was pulsing inside of him, Shane was shuddering, his knees visibly getting weak, and then Shane was withdrawing his cock, looking down at Ryan, his eyes wide.

“Holy fuck,” said Shane. “You… wow.”

Ryan would have said something about the lack of witty banter, but… there was a tentacle, going straight into his mouth, and it was pushing Shane’s cum into his mouth, and it was… fucking his mouth like it was fucking his ass, and he let himself be fucked, he let himself give in to the pleasure, as Shane looked down at him.

Ryan came in his pants, around the twitching, writhing tentacle, with the sweet pleasure washing over him, again and again and again, until he was… going limp, more pleasure twisting through him as the tentacles did… who knew what they were doing, except they were still inside of him, pressing down on him, pressing down on his everything, milking his orgasm, and then it was… another orgasm, on the heels of his first one.

Ow.

Okay.

He flopped down onto the ground, still panting, and then the tentacles were being withdrawn, and he was… he was….

His eyes were sliding shut, slowly, as the pleasure kept flowing, as he just… shook. 

Fuck.

He wanted to do something about this, wanted to… something, but he was suddenly too tired, too contented, even here, in the mud.

Well.

“Score one for the Boogaras,” Ryan mumbled, and then… he was down for the count.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


End file.
